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PAPER/PLATES is a
literary food blog, for readers with good taste.

Bananas: A Girl's Worst Enemy

Bananas: A Girl's Worst Enemy

I want to talk to you about bananas. Because I hate them. It started long ago, when I was a little baby in Pakistan. Surrounded by doting grandparents and other relatives, I spent my days causing irreparable damage to my surroundings. Whether it was pulling all the tissues out of their boxes, ripping people's hair out of their heads or dragging the cats by the tail as my grandfather walked me up and down the driveway in my stroller, I was the worst.

That said, I was a happy baby. I had yet to move to America, where I would be subjected to such horrors as snow and Montessori. In Pakistan, I could do whatever I wanted and no one could stop me. This attitude extended to my eating habits as well. There wasn't much I liked to eat, I guess because I thought I could subsist on fierceness and sass. But that didn't stop my mom and others from trying.

I'm told one of the most common foods I was assaulted with was the banana. They would beg and plead with me to open my mouth, with the mashed up banana turning slimy and brown in the meantime. Once they managed to get it in there, though, I didn't swallow it. Oh no. I would store it in my cheek, like some deranged hot weather chipmunk saving for a non-existent winter. Legend has it I would take hours to consume a single banana.

I could probably end this post here, but I'll explain a little more.

As a baby, bananas were an affront to my sense of independence. Luckily, I now have a say in my consumption of them. Despite their health benefits and their portability, there's nothing about bananas that I like. Not the super sweet taste, not the chalky texture, not those little strings that come out when you peel them and certainly not that awful banana smell.

Haters will now question when I last tried a banana. Your guess is as good as mine, but I think it was sometime in college. Only three years ago, I reaffirmed my hatred of this stupid fruit that everyone else loves. So keep your "But the potassium!" pleas to yourself. I'll eat dates instead.

What are some well-loved foods that you hate? Don't worry, I won't judge.

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